Candice cat

Candice cat is a cat of means,
which often means
being extremely mean to mice,
and believe me the rodents
have learnt to steer well away,
even a tasty Irish cheddar
won’t tempt them, except in winter
when they draw straws
behind grandfather’s clock.

The ‘losers’ tossed nimbly into air
before reaching backdoor stair,
cries shushed with a brushing tail,
a fine whisker away from cheesed grail,
letting them think they’ve escaped,
but alas they never do;
Candice is just too accomplished.

She watches their eyes bulge
as paws slice heads deliberately
in 4/4 time of a conductor, leaving the ears
which are spat out black tobacco later,
a little sadistic streak her fur has,
it’s in the dark hair roots.

Candice prizes tinned sardines
with stiffened mice tails
instead of regular pull-rings,
and other ingenious feline things,
she listens to Mozart on the garden wall
when the neighbour plays piano,
with eyes half closed, all a purr,
claws practising timing.

Her lair is clothed with fragile bones,
wizened frogs’ legs, undigested kidneys
and other very strange business,
with an upturned plastic bowl
that presents, in pastel letters
“Candice, my sweet kitty.”

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9 thoughts on “Candice cat

  1. tamiam says:

    Nicely observed Matt, and a good final line. Reminds me of an old lady I knew who would clutch her cat, coo at it and call it all sorts of sweet names while it was clawing her arms to bits and struggling to get free. The irony is, I gave her that cat when it was a very tame and wily kitten.

  2. nectarfizz says:

    Matt…if you keep writing stuff this good I may have to stop putting you on my top ten list..as people will begin to think I am biased..(heh) May just a little.

  3. Matt says:

    Taken off the top ten list? I dare you! (only kidding)

  4. Matt says:

    Tamiam, it seems the cat was at odds with the old lady’s persona, it had probably had one too many of the old lady’s dreadful home cooking, and figured it was feeding time again. There’s only so many rock cakes (and worse) a cat can stand, enough to turn anyone’s brain to clawing thoughts of escape.

  5. sonofwalt says:

    This is fun and ingenious. The mice drawing straws behind grandfather’s clock. Delightful. And there’s this lovely slant rhyme, whether you intended it or not, of kidneys and business in that final stanza.

  6. Matt says:

    The half rhyme was intentional (aka Ogden Nash), there’s a few rhymes within the poem, but I kept them to a minimum as I’m not one for ryhyming usually, although in some places they do improve flow like in a black humour style piece like this one.

    Thanks David.

  7. poeticgrin says:

    I so enjoyed this poem. The first three lines and the last three are my favorite, though this was a pleasure to read from start to finish. You bring Candice to life, as well as, if briefly, the mice. Worthy of publication. I loved it. (I might be biased… I am a cat person. But now I’m a Matt person. HA.)

  8. Matt says:

    Bryan, thanks very much, glad you liked this half-eaten tall tail tale. šŸ™‚

  9. […] Had a cat for years, but claims he doesn’t get along with them. […]

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