I hate faeries

tom thumb

Woodland, hedgerow,
or pearly seaside shell,
park bench variety
or grassy bluebell dell,
no matter, I hate faeries.

Their skimpy songs
repetitive and wrong,
pitched too high and grating,
fed up to here of hearing
of gorgeous, pin-up
beautiful Tom Thumb,
“Tom Tom tidderly Tometty Tom”
performed impromptu inside
my best, my only
copper watering can.

Turn, twist twist the tap full on,
to hear them gurgle gargle
and yet still they squeal
with sparkles of wet delight
Tom this – Tom that,
it repeats on and on.

“Tom Tom tidderly
Tometty Tom
a bum like a plumb,
I’d give him one!”

Oh, shut the faerie fuck up!

I hate faeries.

Can’t I garden in peace!


4 thoughts on “I hate faeries

  1. nectarfizz says:

    I love it. This poem is so very you, it should have a Matt-like scent coming off it.

  2. Matt says:

    It has squashed faerie scent coming off it.

  3. nectarfizz says:

    You don’t fool me. The fairies have nothing to fear from Cranky Clendon. 🙂

  4. Vic says:

    Very funny, Matt. I’ll have to keep my absinthe consumption to a minimum so as to not create new faeries, but it’s so goooood.

    Thanks for sharing. Fun poem.

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